We have been learning how to capture a "moment in time" with our writing. We try to imagine we are describing something we can see out of the window to someone who can't see it.
Here is a great piece of writing from Cole about a waterfall.
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As the water runs down the waterfall birds chirp and the water splashes onto the stream and the rocks laying there for tourists to jump over one by one. As the water falls down the miniature cliff it turns white in mid air then turns transparent again as it hits the water and the is grass as green as a pool of acid.
I can smell the fresh air going through my nostrils and the old leaves that smell like cinnamon fresh from the store. I can also smell the moss growing on the elderly rocks and the large stones catching dust.
I can feel the soft green grass on my knees as I bend down to feel the water. It's cold. I feel calm as I stare at the miniature waterfall and listen to the wind pushing the leaves around and the birds chirping at the same time.
By Cole
Kia Ora, My name is Asfan. I am from Room-23 from Owairaka Primary School in Auckland. I like the Story of Cole how he has used the words and his imagination was awesome. What an amazing story done by Cole but next time you can use some more words which can help you to improve your writing. You can use more verbs more nouns and many more words which can help you to make your story the best in your school. Your story reminds about my story that I wrote for my Dad when I was 7 years old. Thanks for sharing your learning.
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Asfan.
Hi my name is Palak and I am a student from Owairaka School and I am in Room 23. I really liked your writing about the waterfall because it felt like I was actually there feeling the water. Keep on focusing on your capital letters and full stops.The waterfall reminds me of being in a shower in the mornings.
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Mehmet, I really loved this blog about The Waterfall did you know that there is 249 waterfalls in New Zealand and in the world there is 275 waterfalls so New Zealand owns almost all the waterfalls.
ReplyDeletehttp://odsmehmet.blogspot.com/ here's my blog if you wanna check out my work copy and paste
Hi my name is Fahtima and I am from Room 23 at Owairaka school. I really like your blog about the waterfall. It reminds me about when I gone to the Museum on the weekends and so a picture of a waterfall .It looks so cool but maybe next time you should put more photos in your blog to make it more exiting for everybody to comment.
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Ismacil and i,m a year 5 and my school is Owairaka school I really like the waterfall and the pond.The rocks really brings out the butty the sine dose not match the image.There are big leaves and small leaves.If I were there I would slide down the small mountains.Thanks for sharing your learning with everyone.
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